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[20 Mar 2011|03:22pm]
Having done the unspeakable I am filled with remorse and woe. I have lost the one thing that really mattered to me and I'm finding myself incomplete without him. I know now that I want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life as his woman, and to let this past month be a small roadblock in an otherwise wonderful love and partnership. I am writing on this because I'm pretty sure no one reads it anymore and I can't tell him how I'm feeling for fear it will push him farther away.

Nic Fox,

You are the most incredible person I have ever met. I don't deserve you at all... but I want you. I want to be your wife, I want to grow old with you and I want to love you until I die. I want to make the kind of changes in my life that would make me a good mate for you again. I want redemption. I want scrabble in the park and long nights out on bicycles. I want to wake up to your smiling face every day. I truly believe we are meant to be together and that there is nothing our love cannot weather.

Love forever,
Allie Tinsley
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[24 Jul 2009|02:01pm]
It's amazing how one can be smiling one day and crying like a baby a week later. I'm graduating tomorrow but I'm having a hard time feeling proud and being excited about it. My brain seems disinclined to let me be happy. I quit my job but I'm not sure how much it helped. It's hard to have big, big dreams and feel like you're constantly slipping backwards. But I also feel like a real bitch for being sad without having real problems.
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[09 Jun 2009|12:05pm]
I've been busy lately. Work has been hard, and days off have been glorious. They finally filled up the swimming pool by my house and we went this morning. It was perfect! Most of the time Barton springs and deep eddy are too cool for me to enjoy swimming in so this pool is excellent-cool but not too cold. This next couple of months will be great... I'm taking a lot of vacation time. My birthday is coming up and Nic and I are going to go to this nuts state park with a giant clearwater swimming pool thing and then we're all going to go out for drinks that weekend. I will be 21 finally and I'm fairly excited. It has been kind of rough being the only one my age that I'm friends with. I'm going to get fancy and have my first drink at the Driskill. Also, next month my best friend I grew up with is getting married and I'm in the wedding. August we are going on a cruise with Nic's mom and her boyfriend. It is stopping in Belize, Honduras, and the Caymen Islands. I am absolutely thrilled. Can't think of much else to say, Nic and I painted again for the first time in forever the other night and I'm trying to get back into doing my crafts. I'm baking a peach cobbler tonight and eating it with tons of vegan ice cream. It's finally beginning to feel like summer.
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[15 May 2009|09:05pm]
This week has been very good, which I desperatly needed after the worst month I've had all year (last month.) My childhood best friend passed away on his on accord and it was pretty heart wrenching. I also spent three solid weeks sick with a virus that they were treating like an infection. This week Nic and I spent a lot of time doing work on our little home. My kitchen is finally close to finished as is the bedroom. It feels so comfortable and safe to be in a place that is entirely yours. I feel like this is the most home-like place I've ever lived. I finally found a nightstand that kind of matches my french provincial dresser. It's not quite the same era, but it has some very pretty carving in it and once I paint it black to match it will fit in nicely. I've also finally unpacked most of the pictures I care about and we've started hanging them all. Our bedroom is getting a wall of gold-framed pictures. Nic is being very great in indulging me and letting me decorate everything the way I want to. I'm enjoying the pre-summer heat, but it is definatly a bummer having to use the AC instead of a house full of open windows. I also have a hard time reminding myself to hydrate. Yesterday we went on a bikeride to deep eddy pool (which is close to our house,) It was my first bikeride in a month due to hellmonthApril and it's amazing how out of shape I've gotten in such a short amount of time. One ride in the Texas sun and I felt like I was going to die of heat stroke. I'm back at it though; hopefully soon I'll be riding daily again. Right now I'm waiting for a goldleafed mirror to dry and listening to my favorite big band record. I want to dance around the apartment but my cat Fernando bites my poor feet when he sees them moving. Jenni built a giant metal chandelier for her roofporch and Nic and I are going to help her hang it up and then hopefully plug it in! I'm going to post pictures of the apartment soon. I can't wait for Tuesday to come again.[
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and there's no use in trying to deal with the dying [24 Apr 2009|12:49pm]
one too soon and one not soon enough. I cannot even believe the sadness that is quietly filling me up. No urge to scream and cry hysterically. Just a silent bad feeling growing inside me. We had so many dreams; how did it turn into this mess? I am grateful for naps on vinyl mats, broken barbies and tail-less lizards. I just wish he could have seen the beauty in this world and known that everyone feels like a failure sometimes.

I don't even know what to say. I am thankful for every breath that enters and leaves my chest.
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[28 Mar 2009|08:37pm]
This week my life has finally settled down to a semi-normal pace now that SXSW is over with. I worked for 14 days in a row with only one day off and have found myself absolutely exhausted since. I rode critical mass yesterday but it was really stressful most of the time because there were 500 kids and we took very long breaks the whole time. Also, two people were arrested and two more ticketed, as well as one guy plowing into the back of a Lexus. I fully support the message of critical mass and demanding the respect of the drivers, asserting ourselves as equals on the road, but I really feel like there might be more productive ways of doing it. The wind was also blowing 35 miles an hour and I was blowing around like a feather. I did enjoy being on my bike for the first time in a week or so after so much work and rain. Nic finally got a track frame so we can ride at the same speed-very nice. Today we got out of work late again because there's a new girl we're training (and she's already put in her 2 weeks!) but I came home and have been relaxing and baking batches of cookies since. I'm trying to make myself spend at least one afternoon a week in my kitchen playing around. I feel so much better when I do this, and I really should be practicing some of the things I've been getting rusty on. Tomorrow is more work and Sexy Sunday at the long center. Then I leave town monday to go to houston for 4 days to spend time with my family for my dad's birthday. I'm very excited to hang out with everyone and I'm going to have a blast making his cake tomorrow.

This is all I know. My life has been fairly uneventful and enjoyable other than a recent outbreak of depression. But I feel like I'm handling that in the best way possible and I tell myself it's silly because the most stressful part of my life envolves cupcakes. And come on, cupcakes, I couldn't let something like that trouble me.
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[26 Mar 2009|05:46pm]

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[25 Mar 2009|04:12pm]
Vera just told me my livejournal account got hacked and now it almost seems stupid to make a new one because I have to go through the hassle of making my page normal, adding all of my friends back (as well as getting them to add me) etc. I'm also a little dissapointed because I had my previous lj since I was 13 and it was interesting to go back in time and see how stupid I behaved. This is inconvienent and weird because I don't see the point in stealing someones LJ and deleting everything. byebye pictures that were only on here and old memories.

so if you know me, add me again? If you want.
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